I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
