Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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