If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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