We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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