The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
