I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
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