she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
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Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
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YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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