i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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