Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
