My liver just broke up with me...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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