guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I need water and some morals
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
