shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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