How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
