and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
