am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
