Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Michael Bay diarrhea
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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