we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
