Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I love you.
Bad choice
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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