And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
