I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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