First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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