Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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