You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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