if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
