I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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