All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
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Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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