turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
