so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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