You smell like stripper and shame
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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