I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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