This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
