worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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