I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
