He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
