Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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