And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
