why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
