My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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