I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
