after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
