I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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