When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize