So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
