his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
