You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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