let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
