8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
