So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
