My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
