I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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