Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
