I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
