I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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