This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
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My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
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he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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