Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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