my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
