my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
