Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
