Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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