dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My vagina just recognized that song.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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