FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
