i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
birth control should be required to get into college
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
