Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
