That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
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