Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
