he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
