this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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