Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize