Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
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...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
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You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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