dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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