New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
