There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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