dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
