I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
