Sry I called you an 8
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
