gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
