I am in a vortex of obligation.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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