the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
