I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
