shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
