But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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