Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
