I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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