The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think pants incapable of making pants work
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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