My nipple is on Facebook.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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