He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
