I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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